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angel in the snow

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[25 Feb 2005|02:11am]
let's take a poll

how would I look with a monroe piercing?
like thisCollapse )
and..
nose job: yes or no?
hit it
[1] trip for a while

[02 Feb 2005|02:40pm]
i want a valentine. someone hot who doesn't want a relationship.
hit it
[1] trip for a while

YES!! [12 Dec 2004|01:05pm]
one of the happiest days of my life yesterday!!!
I GOT INTO NYU!
I'M NOW A FILM STUDENT AT THE MAURICE KANBAR INSTITUTE OF FILM & TELEVISION!!
fuck yes
the only thing that's strange is that they sent me my acceptance so early, my letter's dated the 9th. it was like a hannukkah present
hit it
[4] trip for a while

[05 Dec 2004|09:40pm]
so I know I don't really write here too much but today I need to.
we put up our tree today, with ornaments and all that, decorated the house, too. usually I love it. but this year's different. alex didn't come over. and helping this year is my mom's new fiance. he's an okay guy. not particularly charitable, heartfelt, goodlooking, or charismatic, but bright. and he really loves my mom. and that's about it. he always talks about his new family and then tells my mom he's so glad her and hollie are in his life. he treats me like a passing cousin or something, because that's all I am to the new family. today at dinner he tried again to hurry my mom in moving to san francisco. he knows the only reason she's not is my brother and me, and a couple of her friends here. that hurt more than I thought it would.
you'd think that by now I'm used to my family changing. hell I've come home and found strange people living in my house or sleeping in my bed. I've had my mom move away for months at a time and come back engaged. but I'm not.
this would be all different if my mom took me aside and assured me that she still wanted me to be in her life, and vice-versa. all she's said to me is that she really looks forward to her new family with him and hollie.
they all love using the words new family.
but I want my mom to be happy. and she is with him, at least right now. and hollie...god she needs a dad more than anything, and I hope he could be that dad for her. I'm seventeen, I should be grown up. I should be able to let go of my mom, I've had to do it before. I don't want to play the bitter, resentful stepchild card. I haven't before, and god, never with my stepmom.
I wish I could talk to my mom about things like this
I hear a family downstairs and today I wish I belonged to one. I wish I belonged to somebody, or with somebody, for someone to need me and want me.
I know I'm gonna regret writing this down but it helped crystallize my thoughts

everything will look better when I wake up tomorrow
hit it
[1] trip for a while

[06 Oct 2004|09:06pm]
applying to a new job at a coffeehouse, wish me luck
hit it
[4] trip for a while

[05 Oct 2004|06:30pm]
this is me holding my new hookah like a microphone?
my hookah looks cute, I don't!!
Read more...Collapse )
hit it
[8] trip for a while

[22 Sep 2004|06:06pm]
I also realized I like a lot of people in our class, there's so much more to people than I could've thought
why is it considered nicer to tease people about being skinny than to tease them about being fat?
as having been treated with both, they both are mean.
someday I'll stop being flat and have an ass, dammit.
I am also addicted to buying jeans!
is anyone else volunteering for Aids Walk?
hit it
[3] trip for a while

update [22 Sep 2004|05:59pm]
I really want to get a new job. I want to be a hostess at a sushi bar, for the free japanese food. or maybe a clerk at whole foods, the new one in bellevue is really nice.
it's amazing how you can like your classes if you get to choose them. I seriously haven't been absolutely mind fuckingly bored in any of them so far, and I love how most of my classes are small. I went pillow shopping today and I got so excited for dorm shopping. I can't wait to shop for my own little place.
I also saw troy working at costco today. I'm sort of glad he's alive, and not in rehab or out doing coke, or whatever ex-boyfriend-21 year old-coke-addicted-chain-smokers do. I don't think he recognized me but I went by pretty fast anyway. I didn't want to bring up that weird time of my life. I actually half-glanced and half-recognized him by the lower half of his face, and then I heard "hot pockets?" behind me and whipped around and bam!, wanna be music producer food handler. I almost laughed but that's sad.
time to take an extra hot shower because it's extra cold out

by the way, a note to whoever left those lyrics in my journal: thanks for posting my favorite song, but I don't think depressing, insulting nirvana lyrics are a positive comment unless left with a nice note or maybe a smiley emoticon. but don't worry, no, I didn't delete your comment, I screened it. and I know who you are because of your IP address and no, I don't appreciate it.
hit it

hot child in the city [01 Sep 2004|11:57pm]
clean slate, clean journal, clean life

I'm happy I'm happier now
I'm sad that I'm leaving behind the first boy I really truly loved.
I still love you Chad. I hope all the amazing memories of our relationship will help us both move on into our futures.

I want to look in the mirror every night without regret, and most importantly, without self-hate

for everyone that I haven't kept in touch with, which is everyone,
this is my life now:
working at a busy job with fun people, mostly vegan eating, macrobiotic living, yoga, hookah smoking, mad vintage shopping, script writing, future planning..

for other people interested in losing weight/being healthy/feeling better there is no better prescription, honestly.
although I'm not trying to lose more weight.

I'm still a little too obsessed with fashion, beauty, people-bashing, and myself
but hey that makes life fun.


and god it feels weird to be single after over a year..
hit it
[1] trip for a while

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